Overcoming Insecurity: Where insecurity comes from and how to get rid of it?
The phrase “you’re insecure” is often thrown as a blade when it should really be used as a key. How many times have you witnessed someone express doubt, uneasiness or mistrust and immediately said “you’re just being insecure” with a negative connotation. Being “insecure” is being unsure. The human experience in itself allows us very little certainty. Our worlds are constantly changing, we are constantly evolving and adapting. It is the nature of our existence. So, to condemn another individual for being unsure or needing more proof for peace of mind goes against the nature of the world we live in.
There are several causes and types of insecurities. In regards to the causes, as mentioned, we reside in a universe that thrives off of chance, randomness and chaos. If you take a look in space, you will not find security. You will find objects flying at random speeds and directions. You will find darkness and light. You will find unknown depth. Another cause of insecurity is due to our own perception of the world and people. Depending on our personality, we may need a certain pattern of behavior to trust. It can be due to childhood experiences or simply the way we’re genetically formatted. In relation to this cause, we may have also experienced an emotional trauma, defeat or a disappointment that has led us to pain. In order to prevent or decrease this chance of pain from reoccurring, we taking proper precautions and show doubt until we are proven otherwise. It is not something any individual enjoys. To mock or insult a person for practicing self-protection only increases the anxiety caused by this uncertainty (do try replacing insecure with uncertain to change your perception.) Another cause of insecurity may arise directly from the person the insecurity is felt from. This person, whether purposely or unintentionally caused harm and now the victim thinks twice. Those who cause harm tend to use “insecurity” as a blame technique to project their guilt on the individual they harmed. This further causes challenges in both healing and the longevity of the relationship.
The types of insecurities vary by our uncertainty in ourselves, in others and the world as a whole. What a given society places significance in predicts what the individuals will feel insecure about. In this case, insecurity is the uncertainly whether you fit the bill. If you’re good enough. It is a lack of confidence in measuring up the standards placed upon ourselves by a given source, whether a parent, lover, friends, the media, you name it. The sources are endless. These abilities can vary from our lack of security in our physical appearance, our capabilities, skills and talents, our finances. Again, the possibilities are endless. Another type of insecurity is our lack of assurance in possibilities. For instance, if you are a newlywed, you may have had fear instilled in you from divorce statistics and witnessing excessive unhappy marriages. This may lead you in certain behaviors, be in questioning your partner and
overworking yourself with effort and gestures that reveal desperation; a symptom of insecurity. Another type of insecurity is insecurity in others. This could result in having witnessed poor behaviors from others. We’re psychologically vulnerable to the source as well, it may be a book or movie that causes instability, but usually the experience had to have some emotional impact and is usually first-hand. The person had to have been “scarred.” To point fingers is to in turn blame this individual for the actions of the perpetrator, even if it is you. Blaming someone for feeling hurt is no different than blaming someone for having a hole in their body if you shoot a gun. This individual requires attention, time and empathy, no matter the origination of the insecurity.
No one is except from insecurity. It is a natural response to danger. To human beings, not knowing is dangerous. Our survival is based upon prediction. We’re all susceptible to feeling insecure in one way or another, at one time or another. We’re not always called out on it because we do not always identify each action of others appropriately as “insecure”. We all have fears. Insecurities are born out of these fears. We’re all unsure about something. The key is to refrain from using insecurities as a weapon to belittle others’ legitimate emotions and instead use it as insight in strengthening the bond and lifting one another up.